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Actually, is it Belarus, now that Alekseev is back releasing music in his native Russia?

Anyway, never mind. What matters is that Alekseev is now the living personification of the “you [blank] me, an intellectual [blank]” meme.

Remember Alekseev in Forever (or the Russian song that sounded just like Forever?) Here’s what he looked like then:
Screen Shot 2018-06-11 at 8.24.06 PM

And now? Well, take a look at the video:

Despite the seemingly racy screenshot YouTube uses for the embed link, Alekseev’s new song is all about him being an intellectual. He’s using a typewriter. He’s rolling around a series of open books. His idea of foreplay involves wresting over a manuscript. His dream woman plays classical music. And when he loses her, we’re treated to an artful modern dance in monochrome.

Now, all of this would be fine if this were some sort of historical fantasy, but in one shot, Alekseev’s girlfriend is typing on a computer while he’s scribbling in his journal, and that one tiny moment threw me entirely out of the video.

Think about it – this old-timey youngster who dresses like he’s watched Newsies one too many times has no visible means of electronic communication. No phone, no computer, no Nintendo Switch – and yet he’s clearly living in a world where these things exist.

Can you imagine how insufferable it would be to date him? He’d be the type of guy who would pretentiously talk about how much better the world was in analog times, and then ask you to Google directions for him because he doesn’t have a phone. Try to split a bill with this jerk after a night out. Forget Venmo and Paypal; he’s going to pull out a slightly damp wad of cash and still not have enough to cover his share of the bill. (I’ll get you next time, bro!) And he never, ever wants to see anything fun at the movies – in fact, I bet he’s not watched a single Fast and Furious.

You know this guy. You’ve dated this guy. In fact, I bet a few of you WERE this guy (Congratulations for growing out of it enough to enjoy Eurovision, by the way. I bet your life is a lot more fun now.)

So do I like Alekseev’s new song? I don’t know! I can’t separate the visuals from the music, especially because I don’t speak Russian! But let’s just say that it’s no match for a bloody back with roses growing out of gaping wounds.

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