France came out of the gate early this year for Eurovision 2024, and they are IN IT to WIN IT.
The country that dominates Junior Eurovision is sending Slimane, an artist who has had multiple number one albums in France*. He’s gussied up in his best Joan of Arc cosplay, with a heartrending chanson begging his lover to come back to him.
Best of all? The man can perform it live. He had prime position at France’s New Year’s Eve extravaganza, emoting his heart out in front of the Arc de Triomphe while the actual wind ruffled through his hair:
There’s only one small problem – Slimane is pouring his heart into a song that is about an emotional idiot, and as one of the songwriters (alongside Yaacov Salah and Meir Salah), he’s partially to blame.
Mon Amour is a mournful plea asking Slimane’s love to return to Paris to be with him. (Paris is specifically mentioned; we don’t know to what location the lover has absconded, whether it’s someplace like Marseilles or further afield, off the SNCF network.)
In order to secure his lover’s return, Slimane makes exaggerated promises of things that he’ll do – meet them at a location of their choosing, wait for them for an indeterminate amount of time, and “create an ocean in the fire.”
But there’s one thing that Slimane can’t do:
My man, are you for real? You’re saying that you can create an ocean out of fire, but you can’t articulate the reasons why you love the person you love? That might be the stumbling block right there. ESPECIALLY because you make your living as a songwriter, and your whole job is to come up with imagery and metaphors and poetry for a living and yet “I love you, but I don’t know why?”
Let me give you some help, Slimane. These are things I’m just tossing off from the comfort of my couch, so you, AS A PROFESSIONAL, should be able to come up with something much better:
- You can go superficial (I love you because your beauty transcends time)
- You can go deep (I love you because our souls sing to each other)
- You can go specific (I love you because of the trust I feel in your hug, because of the way you tuck your hair behind your ear, because you need to talk to every dog you see on the street)
- You can even go slutdrop for those of us who don’t understand French and will find whatever you sing beautiful! (I love you because that booty won’t quit)
Ultimately, Slimane’s song is beautiful but empty. He can go through the motions; he can eyefuck the camera; he can sing like a dream, but at its core, there’s no genuine emotion here. And while the visuals and voice are all there, over the next five months, I fully expect this song to be overshadowed by a performer who brings actual, genuine feeling to their song, a la Babs Pravs. Well, that, or manages to dance up a storm.
*I am not a devotee of the French music charts, but did recognize Slimane because he was one of the participants in the viral Bella Ciao re-record that was released in 2018 when everyone was watching Money Heist. (For good reason! Money Heist was fun and tense!)
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