NOTE: Some of the formatting may be slightly off on this because I’m finishing it on my phone on a train with no Wi-Fi in Belgium but all the words are there even if the links aren’t displaying like I want them to.
I’m writing this on a Eurostar train on the way to Luxembourg to attend the Luxembourg Song Contest and can we just take a moment to marvel at the fact that society has advanced enough to enable us to type on the Internet as we’re speeding beneath the deep sea on trains? I mean, it was barely a thing when Luxembourg dropped out of Eurovision in 1995. And yet we’re not sufficiently advanced enough to have cones of silence around each seat and HOW?
Anyway, I’m excited to attend the Luxembourg Song Contest, not because the songs are particularly interesting, but because the contest itself is. It’s only in its second year, after an absence of nearly 40 years, and last year was…well, it’s first year. Tali’s Fighter was a fun song, but the focus was far more on Luxembourg’s return than on the actual songs. And, as a result, the whole thing felt a bit dated. Performers – many of whom were accomplished songwriters with their own styles – were matched with existing songs written by external songwriting teams, rather than just doing their own thing. It was a National Final geared toward finding a ‘Eurovision’ song, rather than a song for Eurovision, and the artifice was apparent.
Is there some of that with this year’s Luxembourg Song Contest? A bit. But we also have artists who have been more involved in the construction of their own songs, so I hope that we’ll have something that feels more organic and realised. Of course, the usual disclaimer exists – we won’t know anything until we see the staging, and we’ve seen none of at the moment.
But for its second year, Luxembourg should be commended for offering up seven songs in a range of genres. Here’s what to expect tonight, in no particular order except that my least favourite song is at the end:
LUZAC – JE DANSE
Luzac has co-written this song, and it’s not bad. Sung in French, it plays with noise levels and rhythm and sounds like that one British guy who was used in commercials incessantly around 2011. (Look, I can’t remember his name because his music was used in commercials and I wasn’t buying it to listen to later and also! I woke up at 4 AM to go to Luxembourg! Please give me a break! If you know his name, drop me a line on Bluesky.)
(Edited to add: The song is James Newman’s Love Me Again. It’s the way my brain works!)
ONE LAST TIME – GAMBLER’S SONG
Gambler’s Song is a pop song that is going on my 2025 Eurovision Bangers playlist, if for no other reason than the lovely “ohhhh….OHHHHHHHHH” that opens the song. Their song has been cowritten by Albin Ljungqvist, a Swedish songwriter who has cowritten songs for Dansk Melodi Gran Prix. While the Swedish polish is evident, it doesn’t feel wholly mass produced. We’re getting something that’s a genuine band sound – this could be a single off an album – and it doesn’t feel like it’s been developed just for this contest. I would not be sad if this wins!
RAFA ELA – NO THANK YOU
Every National Final needs a Latin-tinged dance track, and Rafa Ela has worked with Swedish songwriters Christoffer Jonsson and Johan Jämtberg. It gives Rafa plenty of opportunities to showcase her impressive vocals, and unlike many of its counterparts, doesn’t leave a giant gap for a dance break. (Don’t make me remind you: This is not the EUROVISION DANCE CONTEST.) But there’s nothing groundbreaking about this song, and its success will depend wholly on the staging. That being said, if this comes on in Euroclub, I will be running to the dancefloor to scream “NO NO NO THANK YOU” at the top of my lungs.
ZERO POINT FIVE – RIDE
This year’s Eurovision Song Contest is making me question my deeply held beliefs. Namely – when did I become a stomp-clap person? Because Zero Point Five unleash a Mumford and Sons hootenanny – something I would never, ever, ever choose to listen to in real life – and yet I find myself over here, tapping my toes and making my phone case into a makeshift washboard. Every time Zero Point Five sing “Because you know what?” I want to scream back “What?” I am utterly, utterly enchanted by this very normcore song that has absolutely zero chance of winning the Luxembourg Song Contest, and don’t know what to tell you except – please like it too?
RHYTHMIC SOULWAVE – STRONGER
I feel for Rhythmic Soulwave, because the first 45 seconds of their song sound like they’re being performed in the lounge of the Radisson Blu Luxembourg City. It’s standard jazz that’s pleasant, but designed to play in the background as people discuss EU tax policy. Only when we get to 45 seconds into the song – when the horns come in – does the song begin to show its potential as a Bond Theme-esque Eurovision song. And when it comes close to reaching potential, about 2 minutes into the song, with horns blaring and strings swirling? Oh, it’s glorious. But it’s taken too long to build for too little payoff. Maybe it will all change when it’s performed on stage, as big vocal showcases often do. I hope so.
MANA – HUMAN EYES
Human Eyes is a mid-tempo pop song performed competently by the singer Mana. It was written by two Swedish songwriters. I have listened to it multiple times and it has not once stuck in my brain.
LAURA THORN – LA POUPEE MONTE LE SON
This is the favourite to win the competition.
I have issues with it.
First of all, let me acknowledge the obvious talent of everyone involved in putting it together. There is something about it if Laura is the favourite to win the competition.
But there are two reasons why I really, really hope this doesn’t win.
The first is the fact that this is an obvious bid to capitalise on the 60th anniversary of Poupée de cire, poupée de son’s Eurovision win for Luxembourg, to the point of referencing the melody of France Gall’s hit at the beginning of the song. And this reference is symptomatic of the larger issue of the Luxembourg Song Contest I referenced above – rather than looking to compete in the Eurovision of today, they’re still focused on the Eurovisions of the past.
The second is that the La Poupee Monte Le Son is a “girls rock! Yeah!” female empowerment songs, where Laura Thorn sings about how she’s not anyone’s puppet. Except she didn’t write the song. It was written by two men – Julien Salvia and Ludovic-Alexandre Vidal – who have a background in musical theatre.
Do I think that men can’t write songs about female empowerment? No. We need more male allies! But is it ironic that a woman is singing about not being a puppet when she’s essentially being a performer who’s been matched with the song?
I feel like there’s a longer conversation to be had about what Salvia and Vidal are trying to say about this song, given the history of Poupee de Cire and the broader France Gall and Serge Gainsbourg. Gainsbourg wrote the song specifically for Gall, casting her in the role of an untouchable “sound doll,” trapped on vinyl records and never able to experience love. It was a song that also made sense for her as a teen idol, as she was only 17 when she won Eurovision. But the following year, Gainsbourg worked with Gall to record Les Sucettes – a song that is theoretically about a girl who likes candy, but could be interpreted as being about a girl who likes providing oral sex. Gall trusted Gainsbourg, but Gainbourg treated her as the “sound doll” of Poupee de Cire, just there to record his words. Gall was so scarred by the experience she never worked with Gainsbourg again.
So are Salvia and Vida – two Parisians – taking this opportunity of the 60th anniversary of Gall’s win to avenge her for her Le Sucette experience with Gainsbourg, to try and provide her with a voice at last? If so, I’m interested. But if they’re just replicating Gainsbourg’s original dynamic, why are we even updating the lyrics?
ANYWAY, look for me this evening. I’ll be wearing the hat that says DUDE.
dudepoints.fun 