What’s missing from this year’s Eurovision

I mean, yes. There’s a lot missing from this year’s Eurovision. A big audience, stumbling out of Euroclub at 3 AM, pre-parties where I try to wear cool makeup and end up irritating my eyes, all of that.

But this year’s Eurovision is also one of the best in years. There’s nary a song on my skip list, and not just because I’m too lazy to unlock my phone and hit “next track.”

So many genres are represented, from Hot Topic emo to chanson to Max Martin-esque to artpop to slutdrop to sleaze rock to dad dance to sadboi to big voice lady to genuine heartfelt ballad.

But there is one thing missing, and that’s The Himbo.

You know, The Himbo.

Tom Leeb

The golden retriever of Eurovision acts.

Victor Crone

The man who spends as much (if not more) time in the gym than they do in the studio.

Miki Nunez

The person who shows up at a song contest for peace packing some serious guns.

Imri

“But we’ve got Blas Canto this year, ” cries everyone.

Blas Canto

Except that Blas Canto is singing a song about his grandmother. And while Himbos love their grandmothers, they don’t sing songs about them. Too depressing! A Himbo’s gotta keep it light.

“But Uku Suviste!” cry all the fans with working eyes. And yes, Uku Suviste was totally a Himbo in 2020.

Uku Suviste

But 2021 Uku Suviste has come with a kiss-off, breakup song. And Himbos never feel jealously. Or anger. Or any negative emotion. Or any emotion at all that doesn’t consist of “PARTY!” and “EXERCISE ENDORPHINS!” and “BRO CODE!”

Look, a Himbo is never going to win Eurovision.

Okay, a Himbo is not going to win Eurovision again for a long, long time.

But just because they’re eye candy who only sometimes come with ear candy, that doesn’t mean we don’t miss them.

I hope a country is brave enough to bring back a Himbo in 2022. Eurovision is just a little less fun without them.

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