Okay, first thing – what do we need to do to get the #JusticeforJennyB hashtag trending?
Seminfinal 2 was an absolute blast in the arena, and I don’t know whether it came off quite as well on television – particularly with AWS, where the heat from the pyro is incredibly evident. But what has impressed me are the acts that came through just as well in both the arena and at home. Denmark, for example, are absolutely amazing at both locations.
Here’s a quick recap of all the acts, now that I’ve seen them on TV:
Norway:I’ve heard rumors that Rybak has the flu, and I think he does – he looked slightly more tired than usual. I hope he recovers for tonight’s final, even if it means he ends up winning the whole thing.
Romania:I feel like this is a cautionary tale: Don’t make your band members be backup dancers. Leave the backup dancing to the backup dancers.
Serbia: We need a special camera feed for flute Gandalf. He’s just over there, on his little pedastal, waving his arms and shaking his butt. The song would be immeasurably improved if we could just switch over to him for three minutes. Also ,I was really mad to see that Sanja Ilic got to take a jolly to Portugal to film the postcard, but didn’t even bother showing up for the actual performance. What a grifter!
San Marino:I non-ironically love this song and this performance and was very sad to see it go out in the final. However, I do want to yell at whoever did Jessika’s eye makeup, because it made her look like a scared rabbit. San Marino, don’t blame yourselves because the world is not ready to recognise your genius. Please keep Eurovision weird.
Denmark: Oh, so good. The marching in combination with a swooping camera made it look like the arena was about to be stormed by several strong beardy Vikings. The only downside was, of course, TODD.
Russia: You know what I liked about Russia? The fact that one of the backup singers looked like a tall David Cross. Know what I didn’t like about Russia? The disability erasure. UGH.
Moldova: Everything about this performance is amazing. It’s well sung and breathtakingly choreographed and I’m still amazed at how good that male backup dancer looks in heels.
The Netherlands: I was so sad to see this song qualify, and even sadder to see so few people calling them out for the poor optics.
Australia: Poor Jessica sounds a bit hoarse, like she’s sung this song too many times over the past few weeks (and she probably has), but she still sold it with her enthusiasm.
Georgia: Ethno-jazz band Iriao gave a great performance but, as predicted, their smooth jazz sound didn’t connect with the viewers at home. Sorry, guys! I hope you get to play for audiences that appreciate you now!
Poland: Gromee’s fish hands were adorable, but failed to connect with audiences. I’d feel worse if the song were stronger, however.
Malta: Guys, what happened? This was a great performed song with magnificent staging and a wonderful message and it failed to qualify? The true disappointment of the evening.
Hungary: My one complaint – not enough shots of the adorable bassist.
Latvia: Excellent performance that fell to the Croatia curse.
Sweden: Watching this on television is like watching a music video. It’s just so well executed and mesmeric. The one downside is that all the backlighting makes it hard to be hypnotized by Ingrosso’s hips.
Montengro: Adios, male Elsa. Please come back to Eurovision, because you were hilarious and also an amazing singer.
Slovenia: The surprise qualifer of the night. I hope it was the incredible dance beat of this that got it through, rather than the gimmicky loss of music. Also, is this the first time in Eurovision history that TWO feminist bangers have been in the contest?
Ukraine: My baby Melovin has made everyone proud.
And on to the final, which I will be livetweeting from a movie theater in London and it’s going to be ahhh-may-zing!