Spain – Tu Cancion

I am too cynical for Spain’s Alfred and Almaia.

The two of them met on a Spanish reality television show (like X Factor) and have entered Eurovision with a charming duet about first love. An entire nation was swept away by the fairy-tale romance! If only the whole thing didn’t feel quite so…manufactured.

I would like Tu Cancion a lot better if Alfred and Almaia didn’t spend so much of the performance singing right up in each other’s faces, which sets off my social anxiety (my god! how many breath mints must they be using!) and also my technical mind (hey! how do you think they wire those mics to prevent feedback?) And every performance I see, I feel like they just keep getting closer and closer until the only logical conclusion will be to have Alfred unhook his jaw and Almaia climb into his mouth to finish the song.

Years of reading and watching The Hunger Games trilogy have also taught me to be wary of situations like this. Is Peeta suddenly going to declare that Almaia is pregnant to win the televote? Who knows?

Finally, what makes me cringe the most about this performance is that Almaia is just 19 years old. When I was 19 years old, I was busy being loud and socially awkward and not in a place at all where I would be emotionally prepared to pledge my undying love to a boyfriend every night on stage. Can you imagine what she’s going through – especially if she maybe wants to dump Alfred but has to keep pretending to be madly in love with him, night after night?

On Twitter, when I brought some of this up, I got accused of not being romantic. But this isn’t romance. It’s just awkward.

TWITTER JOKES YOU SHOULDN’T BOTHER MAKING BECAUSE THEY’VE ALREADY BEEN DONE BETTER BY THE EUROFANDOM: Don’t make any jokes, okay? There are some serious Spanish fans out there who will take offense.

SHOULD YOU TAKE A PEE BREAK DURING HIS PERFORMANCE: If you don’t mind missing the ‘will-they-or-won’t-they” kiss at the end, then yes.

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