???? – Goalie Goalie

I’ve been spending a lot of time this week watching World Cup videos, and I’ve gotta say the video for Goalie Goalie is the most puzzling:

It’s sung by Arash – an Iranian-Swedish singer who represented Azerbaijan with Aysel at Eurovision in 2009. (Also in Russia, coincedentally?) And he’s joined by Russian singer Nyusha. And American rapper Blanco. And “Mr. Worldwide’ Pitbull, who probably has a nationality, but will show up for any country that promises him enough cigars and bikini models.

But who is the song intended for, ultimately? To whom is the vaguely Bollywood opening meant to appeal? Or its horribly greenscreened versions of world monuments? Or its invocation of ‘Mamma Mia!’ Or its merging of a love song chorus with a rap about soccer? Or its Tron-like CG at the end – is it for people who love Jeff Bridges and football?

The end of the video zooms in on a player wearing a Russia jersey, so could this be a song for Russian fans? But they already have the uber-white Polina Gargarina video, so is this meant to be a sop to show the international community that they actually like foreigners (as opposed to liking liking foreigners, which is frowned upon by people who love the Polina Gargarina video.)

The best thing about this otherwise atrocious video video is, singlehandedly, Pitbull. I don’t think he met any of the other people with whom he’s singing this song, even though he’s in a CG constructed car with Nyusha at one point. I think he went down to the greenscreen room of his mansion, busted out two verses, and was back upstairs by the pool before the ice cubes could melt in his mojito. Pitbull gets paid, and paid handsomely, for doing stuff like this. Minimum effort, maximum return. He really is Mr. Worldwide.

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