Felix Sandman, what are we supposed to do with you?
Last week, you released Imprint, a surprisingly poetic love song that I can’t stop listening to.
It contains the incredibly catchy and incisive chorus, “Used to have it all/threw it all away/Now you’re just an imprint on my pillowcase.” There’s a TON of elegantly sketched backstory in that one line.
I began mentally composing an encomium hailing you as the new Emo King of Sweden, applauding you for your (and your songwriters) absolutely cutting lyrics. Between this and Every Single Day, you know how to reduce me to a puddle of tears holding a pint of Halo Top on my couch. Devastatingly effective, Felix.
And then you released the actual video for Imprint.
It’s like you saw Drake’s Hotline Bling video and were like – no, wait, I can dance even worse than that.
Oh there’s more
Was the choreographer’s inspiration a wedding in Ohio? Did she turn to you and say, “Now Felix, imagine that you’re at a 9th grade school dance and you’re too afraid to approach any of the girls?”
Actually, a more incisive question is: Did you pay your choreographer after this?
Felix, Felix, Felix – we know you can do dance moves. You’re a boy band veteran, after all. You don’t have to move in a video. You can sit there and sing and brood and we will eat that shit up. What we really want from our emo boys is to cuddle and comfort them and bring them their own pint of Halo Top, and we can’t do that if you’re clucking like a chicken. So please. Settle down and put all those feelings into a grimace that’s holding back the tears.