A modest proposal for the BBC

Did you watch Destination Eurovision yesterday? (Of course you did.)

And did you watch Aysat fully bloom into her performance of the feminist banger Comme Une Grande? (Of course you did)

If I hadn’t been balancing four streaming devices in a delicate duvet ecosystem, I would have stood up and cheered.

This is a song that will get the crowd on their feet.

And it didn’t go through. The quality of French entries was that high.

So BBC, my proposal is the following:

Invite Aysat to be your entry. In return, we’ll give them Jeremy Clarkson.

I know, I know, there are some immediate objections.

Yes, the song is entirely in French. But as former Mayor of London Boris Johnson was so fond of telling us, the number of French people residing in London alone makes it equivalent to the sixth largest French city. So Aysat would just be representing a substantial chunk of the UK resident population. (I bet Zoe couldn’t say that when she sent in Loin d’Ici, could she?)

And really, the language doesn’t matter, because Aysat’s energy transcends mere words. This is the type of energy I’ve seen on the streets of the UK’s cities. It’s a universal, pissed off energy women have when they have finally decided they are not going to take anyone’s shit anymore.

Yes, Jeremy Clarkson might object, but who the hell cares? Also, didn’t his ad for his new Amazon show have him flying Amazon fire sticks across the channel? Wouldn’t it just be simpler to send him over there?

Yes, by the time this song goes to Eurovision, the UK may be out of the European Union. But wouldn’t it be a coup for someone in the UK to demonstrate that a trade deal with Mainland Europe is possible?

All I’m saying is – think it over. Think it over, BBC.

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