After what seems like months and months and months of heats, we’re finally getting to the good stuff in Lithuania’s Eurovizijos Atranka. And while I’m sad that this year, we don’t have the delightful Vidas Barekis or the amazing Banzzzzzai, there’s still some great stuff to be found in the semifinal this week.
Twosome – 1000
If I can’t have Banzzzai on his own, I can at least have him as part of Twosome. And Twosome have really upped their schtick since last year’s Hello song with a legit banger that has a singalong chorus. I know that this isn’t going to go through to Tel Aviv, but if it did, Lithuania would have nothing to be ashamed of – especially with that key change!
Emilija Gogolyte – Riddle
A woman with a name that sounds like an off-brand sports drink should have something that’s more upbeat than this song, right? It’s Vilnius Jazz Night all over again, and is a definite no from me.
Damn it, despite my better judgment (the outfit that looks like she’s come right from maths class, the headphones thing), I like this song. It’s got an absolutely catchy hook, and Migloko manages to deliver something that’s remarkably like the studio version live. I think this should go through to the final without any problems.
Jurgis Bruzga – CTRL ALT DELETE
You know what I wish I could control-alt-delete? EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PERFORMANCE. Take your velvet suit and your microphone humping and your electronic voice modification breakdown and get out of this competition please.
Also, any women in the vicinity of this performance – contrary to what Jurgis is asking you to do in this song, do not – I repeat DO NOT – turn off your phones. We’re going to need to be able to track you down after he’s whisked you off somewhere private to show you some ‘close up magic.’
Cheri – Again
Cheri, I don’t think your R&B soul voice is big enough to justify your name in lights, or those pants, or your spoken word, ride-or-die breakdown. There’s just a little too much discord in those harmonies, and while your voice is promising, the performance would require some tweaking for a Tel Aviv showcase.
Glossarium – Anyone
I’ve already written about Glossarium, and I stand by this assessment.
Lithuania, you specialise in weird jazz, not metal. This isn’t A Dal, and it shows. Please do not let this subpar metal act go through just because it’s ‘different’.
Juna – Strength of a Woman
Juna, you’re testing the strength of this woman with this performance. I would normally be very much into this type of girl-group harmonies (and that outfit, which I own about three versions of) but it’s just you. There’s no group. And you need to nail that beginning part if you want to get into the finals. This would be so much stronger if you had two ladies behind you doing great synchronized choreography. Dare I say it, you’re making me want this song to be performed by the Divaz.
Lukas Bartaska – River of Hope
Oh lord. Can I drown myself in the River of Hope?
Saules Kliosas – Laiko Masina
Is Lithuania so desperate for content that they’re willing to broadcast an extraordinarily attractive woman clad in vinyl doing a lot of pointing? Because that’s what this song amounts to. It’s such a disappointing performance I can’t even take joy in the astronaut helmets of the background singers.
Henry and Tommy Modric – Never Part
I love this song because watching it be performed is like attending a really extra wedding where both grooms decide to sing their vows to each other and then there’s a big reveal where one of the grooms isn’t gay? And yet everything seems to just go on as it did before? It’s so confusing and weird and I am 100% behind more confusing and weird things to make Eurovision.
Edgaras Lubys – To the Sky
No no no no no no no.
Edgaras Lubys seems to think his falsetto can bring us to the sky, and it cannot.
Monika Marija- Light On
First of all, I prefer Monika Marija with her hair in a spider web, as per her OTHER Eurovizijos Atranka performance.
I mean, this song is the fan favorite, and I can see why. It’s a competently performed little lady big voice power ballad, but it’s also very very very bland. Look at the other performances in this semifinal! Yes, Monika might be the eventual choice for Tel Aviv, but I want to keep the Twosomes and Henrys and Tommys in for as long as possible.
CONCLUSION – Twelve songs for a semifinal is just waaaay tooo many, especially because we’ve already had 20 heats leading up to this. Lithuania, is it a requirement that every citizen takes part in Eurovizijos at some point during their lifetime, because that’s what this semifinal seems like to me. I’m too tired now to even make a prediction aside from Monika Marija will go through along with some people who really, really do not deserve a spot in the finals.