Due to my inability to alphabetize, I inadvertently created the worst beard bracket matchup in the world – Hatari vs. Jurijus.
Look, I know what you’re thinking – there’s no facial hair in Hatari! I mean, this is what they look like:
Au contraire, I say! Because the spiked face mask worn by Einar is simply a visual representation of what lies beneath:
Yup! A full-on, child-friendly, eminently respectable beard.
And hey, Klemens isn’t too shabby in the beard department either!
Apparently, facial hair is compatible with an anti-capitalist, BDSM lifestyle. Great news! Okay, looks like this beard bracket has a winner….
*gentle footsteps approach*
*the sound of the sleeve of a leather jacket, worn whisper soft, unfolding*
Damn it, Jurijus!
I don’t really like your song – the falsetto doesn’t do it for me.
And when you first came on the scene, I dismissed you as a Justs knockoff – all leather jacket and beard.
But then you turned to me with those eyes…
…and asked (with those eyes, nothing verbal took place, indeed this is all in my imagination)
“Am I really so bad?”
“C’mon girl. You can talk to me. Tell me what’s making you feel bad about my song.”
“Oh, I’m too much like Justs? Well, what if I wore tweed for you, like a mussed-up MFA student getting ready to go to a poety reading?”
“There you go, girl! Now, let’s get mimosas.”
WINNER Look, Hatari, I’m sorry. I want you to win the whole shebang. I adore your status as Eurovision pranksters. But in terms of beards, and just beards, Jurijus takes it.
But enough from me. What do you think?
Professional Hatari photos courtesy of Lilja Jons
Photos of Jurijus by Luka Gricius