Youse all, I’m worried about Lukas Norkunas

So last night was the first heat of Lithuania’s rebranded Eurovizijos Atranka, now called something like, “Lithuania, let’s do this thing!” And this heat was destined to be spectactular, because it featured last year’s runner-up Monika Marija, and certified Boy with Emotions Gabrielus Vagelis, and the woman who previously performed as a Viking, etc. etc – a long catalog of known quantities for what is traditionally Eurovision’s death march of a National Final.

But me? I was excited for Lukas Norkunas, who charmed me in 2018 with his low-key song ‘Tegu’. Give it a listen!

It was not normally the type of song that I would like. White dreadlocks are usually an automatic disqualifier for me, as is a soulful male acoustic guitar. But there was just something about how Norkunas looked in his aggressively mismatched outfit that was endearing. He looked like any number of dirtbag baristas I would have inappropriately lusted after during my youth, and once I found out he was a philosophy major, that just sealed the deal.

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Lukas Norkunas was my deepest darkest university hookup secrets, laid bare on that Lithuanian stage for anyone to see, certifiably dirtbag hot.

Fast forward to the present, when Lukas Norkunas once again showed up on stage, sans dreadlocks, dressed all in black, and with a copious amount of eyeliner.

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Reader, I was intrigued. Was this the grad-school level Lukas Norkunas, still as dirtbag hot as ever but with a sudden fluency in gender studies?

I hoped. I hoped with all my heart.

And then, then he came out with this, a song titled Apology:

And all I want to know is: Lukas, who hurt you?

Or, more importantly, who gave you all that alcohol before the show?

I know that Lukas Norkunas likes his songs to stand on their own without explanation (philosophy major, remember) but from a duty of care perspective, I feel like Lithuanian television owes us one here. What’s happened to turn a guy singing about being the cool older man at events into this Frans on Meth?

At any rate, Vilnius friends, please, please, please – give Lukas a hug if you see him on the streets? We just want to make sure he’s okay.

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