Oh hi! It’s been a while, I know. Can you believe that with COVID cancelling Eurovision, I didn’t feel like writing much? I mean, I pretty much just descended into a world of depressing podcasts for the last six months or so.
But now? Having spent this Saturday toggling back and forth between browsers tabs on various devices, I’ve got my Eurovision mojo back. I didn’t realise that all it would take would be a jury making an awful decision to make me snap out of my never-Eurovision depression. (More on that later!)
Of course, it’s not just the joy of yelling at a TV screen that has brought me back. It’s the frission of delight I get when I see something that’s just so ridiculous, I end up cackling with evil intent to the point where I scare my cats.
And the thing which has brought me this twisted joy this year is Tix from Norway, with his direkt to final (yes I know that’s Swedish terminology but everyone understands it) song Ut Av Mørket:
Look, I’m not going to question the taste of Norweigian teen girls. We know that teen girls tend to catch onto trends far earlier than normal people, despite being belittled for what they like. And it’s no secret that TIX has undeniable vocal talent. It’s just (makes waving motion) all the rest. Here. Take a look:
Like, TIX is a comedy act, right? A performance art project based on parodying the concept of the spoiled rock star? Because how else do you explain a man who wears a full-length fur coat at all times like a rich widow from the Upper East Side? A man who is sporting the headband of the male hair loss rock star? A man who has a big hit that essentially translates to “Fuck school I’m going to drink champagne and become President?” The man is a walking collection of tropes.
And yet, I can’t say I would be heartbroken if he went to Eurovision. I mean, I’d cry for days over losing KEiiNO’s masterpiece, but can you imagine trying to swagger through the whole experience of Eurovision with a pop star entourage? Or what TIX might do on stage with a huge Norweigian budget and a taste level that’s the equivalent of Conor McGregor’s million pound watch? There’s no danger of this song winning Eurovision, but it might be fun to see what Norway can gin up along the way.