Azerbaijan – X My Heart

Aisel opens semifinal 1 with a classic Eurovision tune:
1. It’s got a tiny lady with a big voice.
2. It’s a dance machine banger for future club nights.
3. Windmachines galore!
4. Those backup dancers

But the thing that I love most about Aisel’s entry is its use of what Anthony Lane, in his seminal Eurovision essay, has termed ‘Eurovision English.’ Don’t bother asking ‘What do phrases like ‘Luna Moon me up?’ even mean?” Guess what? NO ONE CARES. And that goes double for when you’re belting it out at the top of your lungs as part of an incredibly catchy chorus like: “I’ll never stah-ah-ah-ah-ah-p/Luna Moon me up/to the star-ah-ahs!” It’s the perfect way to start the show, like a warm bath welcoming us back to the joys of Eurovision.

As a side note, X My Heart has become the better half’s favorite Eurovision song because of its use of the phrase ‘tearing down firewalls.’ Imagine if hacker subculture had taken a turn in the mid-1990s, and instead of being depicted in shadowy basements, was instead shot with a warm sunshiney glow, with well-coiffed hackers in rainbow colours all sitting outside in the park to take down the evil digerati. IF that alternate universe had happened, Aisel’s song would have been the perfect soundtrack. Can someone put this track this over the clip of Julian Assange dancing at a Reykjavik nightclub, please?

TWITTER JOKES YOU SHOULDN’T BOTHER MAKING BECAUSE THEY’VE ALREADY BEEN DONE BETTER BY THE EUROFANDOM: Don’t bother putting in Sailor Moon gifs, okay. It’s played out.

SHOULD YOU TAKE A PEE BREAK DURING HIS PERFORMANCE: No. The show JUST started. You can hold it for three minutes until we get to Iceland, okay?

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