Denmark – Higher Ground

Oh, the lead singer looks like Tormund Giantsbane from Game of Thrones? Really? Wow! It’s not like you are the GAJILLIONTH PERSON TO MAKE THAT JOKE SINCE FEBRUARY. Stuff it, bub.

That being said, Rasmussen’s higher ground could be the sleeper winner of the whole shebang. It’s got fun choreography, amazing staging (that snow!) and lots of hot dudes with beards. And if you think hot dudes with beards aren’t an incredible selling point, how else do you explain the enormous success of Avengers: Infinity War?

I also love Rasmussen’s message: maybe instead of attacking, you should be the better person. It’s the Eurovision equivalent of Michelle Obama’s “They go low, we go high.” And even though I almost never, ever go high, I like the aspirational message – maybe someday I can hold my snark when talking about an unfortunate playsuit into which an artist has been forced by her stylist. (Yes, I’m still thinking about you, Eye Cue.)

The one problem with Rasmussen’s overall performance is…well, take a look at this picture.

See the guy on the left? I call him Todd. Todd’s like the cousin of Rasmussen’s girlfriend or something. Maybe he’s the work experience kid at Danish EBU headquarters. Because I gotta say – I don’t think Todd is trying hard enough. There’s a clear aesthetic going on here and what, Todd was too lazy to go out and get hair extensions or something? I see you Todd, and you’re not fooling anyone. Dreams require effort, not this sort of halfassedry.

TWITTER JOKES YOU SHOULDN’T BOTHER MAKING BECAUSE THEY’VE ALREADY BEEN DONE BETTER BY THE EUROFANDOM: Please, dear god, do not mention Game of Thrones. Instant block, I swear.

SHOULD YOU TAKE A PEE BREAK DURING HIS PERFORMANCE: No! He’s given you a simple dance you can do at home!

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