Have I saved the best for last?
I’ve saved the best for last, with the understanding that “best” is a wholly subjective term that many of you will not understand me using when you see this performance, because, I concede, it is not objectively good.
But when you think about performances that have given me more joy per minute than anything else, San Marino would have to be the highest on my list. Instead of once again sending the fabulous Valentina Monetta, San Marino partnered with a dodgy promotional firm to create a contest to find the Internet’s candidate.
What followed was an indecipherable series of auditions and songs and judging and opportunities for fans to “buy” shares in songs. There was only one San Marinese contestant (a rapper named Irol, but not pronounced “eye-roll”). It was a complete mess. And it’s unclear where any of the money went, because it certainly didn’t go into the sets or staging.
The eventual winners of the honor of representing San Marino in this contest were Jessika from Malta and Jenifer Brening from Germany, who perform the banger, “Who We Are.”
It should be noted that this song was initially a collaboration between Jessika and Irol, but for some reason he dropped out, and Brening, a blues singer, stepped up to assume the rap persona of Jenny B (who is who she wants to be). And, to be honest, Jenny B has a pretty dope flow for a German blues singer who is being forced to rap in English.
The song itself is a banger that keeps delivering surprises – from an opening like that sounds like “Bullet from the moment we were born” (it’s bullied) to a chorus that’s reeeeeeeeeallly similar to Heroes to a slightly irrelevant Jenny B yelling phrases in the background once she’s delivered her guest verse.
But the staging is what seals the deal. Jessika and Jenny B are accompanied by a few backup dancers and then four toy robots. A quick Google search tells me that the retail price for these robots is about 20 Euros – so clearly no expense is being spared. The robots hold up a series of signs which change from performance to performance. The best so far has been a “Justice for Valentina” sign.
And at the end, it looks like one of the robots…proposes to Jessika? In a Eurovision with polyamory, literal cuckolds, and vampires, why can’t we have a little android-human love?
TWITTER JOKES YOU SHOULDN’T BOTHER MAKING BECAUSE THEY’VE ALREADY BEEN DONE BETTER BY THE EUROFANDOM: San Marino doesn’t inspire jokes so much as a…what? why? wait? response. But if you make jokes, you have to make sure to note how absolutely amazing this whole staging concept is after each one.
SHOULD YOU TAKE A PEE BREAK DURING HIS PERFORMANCE: Computer says no!