Montenegro – Heaven

In continuing my trawl through Semifinal 1 for official reviews, I’ve landed on Montenegro, with the song Heaven by the Up With People clone D mol. (Dee maul? Da mall? Kids, have fun at home making up your own pronunciations of the Montenegrin entry.)

Okay, let’s ignore the song for the moment, and focus on that video. Yes, Montenegro is beautiful. It’s got snow-capped mountains, and castles, and beaches, and horses that put up with women draping themselves over their manes to live out their deepest Horse Girl fantasies. Montenegro seems like a great place!

Or it would be, if we weren’t forced to experience it with this hopped-up band of ex-theatre kids. And as someone who also tends to use hand gestures when I talk, I feel like D Moll takes it to a new level. SO MANY HANDS. Hands waving, hands being clenched into fists, hands being thrust up in the air like an exclamation point. Montenegro spent a lot to showcase the wonders of the nation and all I can look at are these hands.

And the end of the video, where D mol walks down the beach in matching clothing, then cuddles around a campfire in matching clothing? This is not a music video. This is my worst nightmare. I’ve been on group trips like this where everyone wants to go do stuff as a group and all I want to do is curl up in a cozy nook somewhere with a good book and Twitter access. Can you imagine having to spend all of your time in Montenegro with D mol, a group of people who probably slip into intricate harmonies at the drop of a hat? *shudder*

And I haven’t even talked about the song! Well. Let me just note that it takes real talent to take a cheesy pickup line and turn it into a three minute theatre showcase. Granted, it does seem to fall apart a bit in the middle, with a lyric like “walking blind with hanging heart” which seems to be something out of a Hatari song rather than a middle-of-the-road offering.

FINAL VERDICT: This song is a bland pudding of a ballad, all sweetness and light, and usually – usually – I’d rate it as bathroom break. But with the emphatic hand gestures coming from this band, I’ve upgraded it to a Meh. I’d like to see if any viewers at home end up accidentally hypnotized (or if any member of the band is sending out distress signals because they need to escape this cult.)

Will it get through? I hope not. Semifinal 1 is full of absolutely wonderful original songs, and this skinny vanilla latte of an entry simply can’t compare.

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