Cyprus – Ela by Andromache

Oh, Cyprus. Between Eleni, Tamta, and Elena Tsangrinou, you have created a high bar for yourselves. You have created an expectation that you will be providing divalicious high BPM content, complete with some ridiculous product placement.

And that’s not what we’re getting this year. Instead, we are getting an ethnoditty (it doesn’t slap as hard as an ethnobop) that seems to be inspired by Sofia Coppola’s The Beguiled on ASMR. Everything here is gentle and pastel and nap dresses and styled for Instagram and I hate it.

Look, countries can change it up. Countries SHOULD change it up. It’s exciting to not know what we’re getting each year! But the problem is going from something good to something that’s merely the soundtrack to a fashion magazine shoot.

What’s worse is that the song starts with an opening riff that sounds just like a Bollywood track and yet I can’t remember which one it might be – so I spend most of the song distracted and running through various Bollywood dance scenes in my head.

Look, this is a pleasant enough song, but the problem is that it doesn’t rise above present. With Cyprus, I want women who are going to devour me whole with their long legs and flippy hair, and instead, I’ve got an Edwardian spa day. All quite lovely, but also all quite a snooze.

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