Spain – SloMo by Chanel

THIS IS THE TOTAL PACKAGE.

Vocals? Check

Song? Check

Staging? Check

Hypnotizing booty? CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK

Seriously, I have not been so impressed by all the elements of a performance since Fuego. 

By now, I’ve seen Chanel perform this song multiple times, and she nails it every time. That doesn’t mean that she is doing this mechanically – every hip thrust, every smile, every hair toss still has passion behind it. I mean, here she is performing it live at a Spanish drag queen fest – and still doing it note perfect:

This song, of course, is beloved by Eurofans who worship pop divas, and as a banger slut, I am right there with them. But I think Chanel brings something beyond the typical Lenas and Margarets and Tamtas – a massively good song. Not just a song that’s good enough, but a song that is paced perfectly.

It’s got that dembo beat right out the gate, has repetitive word endings (boom boom, zoom zoom) 18 seconds in, and then get to the chorus by 21 seconds into the song. By 45 seconds in, we’ve had our first mention of Booty Hypnotic   No time is wasted! The song goes through another iteration of this and just when things look like they might be getting stale – BAM – dance break. If you have three minutes to make an impression at Eurovision, this is one helluva way to do it. 

Also, I love this song for its ability to disguise absolutely filthy lyrics in terms suitable for a family show. “I sweeten your face in mango juice”? “You explode when I turn it on”? It is a Eurovision song that expands the canon to acknowledge the existence of daddies, and for that alone it should be enshrined in the Eurovision Hall of Fame.

Will Chanel win? Alas, the juries still have a bias against pure pop, no matter how well it’s performed. And the televote might be taken by the yellow wolves. But this slab of perfection needs to be rewarded somehow, even if it’s just Chanel making bank at tours of gay bars all over the continent.  

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