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Category: big five

Spain – Tu Cancion

I am too cynical for Spain’s Alfred and Almaia. The two of them met on a Spanish reality television show … More

ballad, meh, nice boy, nice girl, spain

France – Mercy

I have lost all ability to be objective about this song and this performance and Emilie and Jean-Karl. I have … More

banger, france, tears, top5

Portugal – O Jardim

While the love story that’s received the most press of the contest this year is Alfred and Almaia from Spain, … More

ballad, big voice lady, portugal, tears

United Kingdom – Storm

I love Surie. She’s a wonderful performer and a sassy, self-deprecating Essex girl offstage. I want to take her out … More

banger, big voice lady, united kingdom

Italy – Non Mi Avete Fatto Niente

This year, Italy has sent Ermal Meta (of Albania descent) and Fabrizio Moro with a plea for peace that I … More

italy, meh, pee break

Germany – You Let Me Walk Alone

This song can be summed up as “Michael Schulte, please get therapy.” I’d write more about it but I find … More

ballad, ed f'in sheeran, germany, peebreak, ugggggggh

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